By ourselves again....

Mom is on her way home. We took her to the airport this morning and I am so sad that her time here is over. It's times like this when I really question us living overseas. It's so hard to be away from family and not have them in our every day lives. It really breaks my heart that they won't be around Ellyanna. Mom and I will be on the webcam alot and keep in touch like we always do, but it's just different with a baby. I want her to know Mom and Dad and it's hard with us living so far away. Anyhow, I've been shedding my share of tears today :(

Along with missing Mom I've had a little anxiety about being at home alone with Ellyanna. I'll be fine, but for the last month, since having her, I've not truly been alone with her. I always had Mom to turn to when she wouldn't quit crying or just needed to be held. It was so great having Mom here. She just had the touch with Ellyanna. Whenever she was fussy and I had a hard time quieting her I could hand her to Mom and she would calm right down.

I wish we could have had time to get out and visit some places around Germany with Mom, but I'm thankful that she didn't come with the idea of doing lots of travelling because it didn't work out. She was much more realistic about it than I was early on. Before having Ellyanna I thought we probably could get out some, but all along Mom said she was coming to help with the baby and not for travelling. I think she knew from the beginning that we wouldn't get around to doing much more than taking care of the baby.

We did take a drive to the Black Forrest one day and another day we went to downtown Stuttgart, but Ellyanna was so young that whenever we went out I felt irresponsible about it when we got home. She was just too young to be out doing alot. That first week Mom was here the air conditioning in the car quit working. With the days getting hotter we didn't want to have Ellyanna out in the heat with no AC to cool the car off.

The first couple of weeks after Ellyanna was born I felt so good that I did more than I probably should have. I wasn't getting much sleep (maybe 2-3 hours a night), but didn't really want to sleep through the day because Mom was here and I wanted to spend all the time I could with her. I didn't want to sleep her visit away. Mom kept telling me that if I didn't get my rest I would eventually crash. Sure enough...the morning we were scheduled to go for the newborn photo shoot Mom came up to find me sobbing in the kitchen, holding a crying baby. Ellyanna had not slept all night and I didn't know what to do for her. She was crying constantly and I was at the end of myself. Sam had to get to work, but called the photographer and got our appointment pushed back a little bit. Mom took the baby and I calmed down. It was pretty hard there for a little while. Our nights have been better with Ellyanna sleeping with us, but I know I need to start having her sleep in her own bed. It just breaks my heart to hear her cry. I do need to start working at that though.

I hope to get more consistent with my blog updates. Eventually, I think our lives will settle into a better routine and I'll be able to get more done in a day. Right now I don't feel like my days are very productive, but I hold out hope that it'll get better. Meanwhile, I'm so enjoying our baby girl. I know this time will go by much too quickly. She's precious and I love holding her, which is a good thing because it seems she wakes up as soon as I put her down. Well, I believe I hear another poopy diaper in the making so I better sign off and go tend to that. Until next time...